Need To Write. . .To Get It Away

Just need to get out 

the anguish the stress the crap

Feeling like I want to throw or hit

Want to but can't 

Fingers hurting as I type

Stomach churning

Want and need to sleep

Take a pill, another pill, damn

So disgusting. . .will knock me out

Soon

Sleep through the problems

Dealing with the horrors within

Night

So early knock me out now

medications with side effect that harm

My insides, becoming artificial. . .damn

I want my . . .I want me back

Fin

March 21, 2010

DeRiT NiArB

Thoughts fly in random, wanting much and all things to be better. . .different from what it is now.  

So much priorities and nothing seems to be moving fast enough. All that is going on, just. . .it's not coming together as fast as need be. 

Use to have nightmares about my disabilities, now it's all. . .well the majority of what I can remember is financial and sometimes, just sometimes on how I miss another taking the reins for a while, so that I can rest, knowing that everything is going to be alright.  Just to be held with care and support.

That's enough wining for now. . .

Worried. . .

Just a little anxious

Having chest pains every time I move

Not in any panic. . .not

Even upset

Just a little worried

Hard to cough, hurts

Every time I try

Not letting it get to me

Just wondering. . .why

Now, of all times. . .why now

 Have no one to keep the cats,

Feed, keeping two (Cypress and Thorn)

From fighting. . .either may end up hurt

Really bad

Will do a wait-and-see

Probably clear itself up by tonight

Hoping that this is the case

So I won't be in the hospital

Fighting for my life

Fin

February 02, 2010

WTF?

WoW, just couldn't see how some body who is in the military was stating, if you don't see anything you want to purchase you can still make a donation. . .why. . .weird. I am on a fixed, meager, income, due to my many disabilities-had tried to ask for help and felt bad that I was, essentially begging, so I deleted it.  Don't get this wrong I have asked for help, more on a personal basis, received it a few times, however, I have stopped asking them, didn't want to continually ask for their help, I felt bad even though I should not have because the need was and is real.


I don't want anybody to give me funds, unless it's PCH coming to my apartment with a check and telling me congratulations I won $5000 a week, or anybody who really wants to. . . 


I would rather earn it myself, would rather somebody show me a way to earn without it costing me so much, in time as well as funds I really don't have, yet. Not earning like I want to. . .a few PTC sites, five of which I have reached payout and have been paid, a few traffic exchanges, one that I have reached payout and have been paid, that's about it for now. Just awaiting on a few that said I would be paid, Have to stop this. . .discovering a subject and end up writing about my self.  WTF?